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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
2:31 pm - Jesus Christ Superstar
Lately has been really busy and hecktic. Last Friday satrted the 5 hour rehearsals for drama. The show starts tomorrow at 7:00 and I think most of us are ready, but with us being ready also means that we are so tired. I know Jay and a bunch of other people can't sleep at all I can sleep but only for like 2 or 3 hours. I am shaking that I am sososo tired. Rehearsal was from 3-8:00 on Sunday, 3-9:00 on Monday, and 3-9:00 on Tuesday. After reherasal we have to do our homerwork but luckly today she gave us off so we can sleep so after this entry is done I am sleeping until 7.

School has been okay lately I have been falling asleep in class and not really paying attention. Anyways that is really all cus I can't think because I am really really tired.

I will talk to you all later. Leave me one on AIM or call me. 10 people from the paly were absent from school. They are SOOO lucky!

current mood: exhausted

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Saturday, March 13th, 2004
11:22 pm
Too many things running through my head. Wish I could just stop breathing one day and all the thoughts will leave my mind and I could live in peace and serenidy.

current mood: sad

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9:46 pm - Life is boring
Hey all. I haven't really wroten in this in a 4 days. but to tell you the truth cus I really didn't have anything to right about. I mean there have been some events in the life of Nick Masi that have happened but I can't share.

School sucked as usual! The juniors had to take state testing Tuesday-Thursday so we had one period for a full two periods which killed ebcause they were some of the periods that I hated! Like let's see Tuesday we had period 7 long. I tried to listen to the JC Superstar soundtrack as we did our work, but the teacher yelled at me. I was being quite and doing my work, not like eh would get in trouble. Same thing happened on Wednesday, except it was with the fucking teacher who hated me anyways, Seniorita I mean Senor Limoges. Cock sucking asshole.

In the relationship department nothing ahs really changed still the single and lonely me!! Nothing has changed between me and my "crush" though after I told him so that is super cool! I thought I would be one less friend this week but nope.

Last night we had a pre-cast cast party at the Flynn residence, it was great fun until the end in which I was in a crappy mood so I feel "asleep" on the couch. I really didn't I just got into a depressed mood. I took a lot of pictures last night they came out okay! Joe was there cus he came home from college in NY. It was good to see him again, didn't see him since....December. Truely a great guy.

This week we belong to drama. We have rehearsal Sunday to Tuesday from 3 to like 10. It is crazy shat but I think that the show is coming put pretty great. I finally did my songa nd dance right today, mind you 5 days before opening night, lol. It is going to be a great show though you shouls come and see it if you ain't in it.
JC Superstar
March 18-21 @ 7:00 (18-20) and 2:00 (21)
$7.00 each
Pilgrim High School Auditorium

Well I gotta go I don't feel to well and am a little crampy, lol. Drank my soda to fast, lol. Talk to you later! Bye Bye!

current mood: sick

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Monday, March 8th, 2004
8:40 pm - Giving Up
The title of this entry is called "giving up" because I have decided to give up on a certain situation that has been going on as of late. Yesterday something was told to me that actually really broke my heart, but I kept it cool for a little and continued to rehearse with the rest of the cast and crew. Then Catie, Sunny, Jeremiah, Robbie, Jen, Matt, Jay, Chris, Sean, Chris and I went to Bickford's for dinner. Chris took his video camera so everyone was acting stupid except for me cus I really didn't feel like being there arnymore, but I still went to get out of the house. Came home at around 8:30 and wrote my friend a three page note and then feel asleep.

Went tos chool this morning in a okay mood, saw the friend and gave her the note then recieved one back from her at locker switch. Went to chorus watched the video that I recorded at Berklee and saw how much I suck videotaping, lol. Went to history then back to chorus cus history was boring and then went to health and came home.

That is where i sit now. Wishing that the situation would get better but all I have to do is hope and pray. Nothing will happen though, lol. I give up all hope on everything! Okay well I am going to go now and head to bed. Talk to you later!

current mood: blank

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Sunday, March 7th, 2004
11:41 am - Berklee
Yesterday was such a great day. It started off with rehearsal from 8 to 11:30. Sunny picked me up at 8 and commited an illegal thing. We had 6 people in the car and her car is small, so Catie had to sit in the middle of the front seat with the stick between her legs. Well rehearsal was good I sucked the first time and was decent the second time. I think I am going to run through it wicked today cus I am gonna let loose.

At about 12 I went to Berklee with the jazz ensemble and the jazz band for competiton. I am not in either of those groups but i needed pictures for the website so I took some and I also had to video tape the performance for Ms Phillips and Chris A. So their tapes came out a little weird, lol. Chris's gave my left hand a hickey, lol. Anyways we got there and watched two schools perform and then we performed and then Jay, Alex, Neffie, and I went around. We were hunry so we decided to go to the cafe, well it was closed and everything was overpriced! A small bag of M&Ms were $2.00 and a small bottle of NesTea was freaking $2.75. We went back to table 88 and Jay and Alex got there lunches and then we went to go look at the display tables upstairs. Neffie is a shopoholic. She couldn't stop buying things. Everytime she would say, "I can't buy anymore things...OMG look at this I want it." She bought Star Wars 2:Attack of the Clones because Hayden is in it and she is in love with him, a pair of earrings, and I forgot what else. After that we watched the jazz band and then went home. The ride home was fun, I mostly stared at the moon and stars.

Anyways we got home at about 7:20 and then Sunny, Catie, Julie, and I went and took Catie's bro to their something's house. Then we went to the Flynn residence where me and Julie pigged out on uncooked pasta sticks. Then we went to the mall. We went to find Catie two dresses for the play cus B decided to have her in dresses because no one else are in them. We went to Filene's and Macy's but weren't succesful, they were either to big or to small. So we gave up and went to the creamary.

We sat there and just laughed and acted stupid. I got a coke cus I know I was gonna come home and just eat grilled cheese anyways. I have to say i did eat some of the pickles, cus I love the pickles. I got home at about 11:30ish and made a grilled cheese, lol. Went to bed at about 12:15.

No I am here and actually have to leave because I have Sara's party at 1:00, then rehearsal at 3:00, then hanging with the "posse" again. They are some fat a$$ people (NO THAT IS NOT A INSULT, lol).
Anyways I gotta go.

LATA BIATCH!!!! -lol- Catie!

current mood: amused

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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
2:21 pm - interim and other stuff
Well yesterday was interim day. I am doing a lot better this quarter than any of my other quarters and so I hope that I actually pass geometry. Anyways besides for interims a specific thing happened (only the privlaged people know what this subject is).

Well I thought it would be cool seeing that it is out in the open today, BUT I was totally a whack job. I am screwing up everything by doing that. It is just an awkward situation although it really shouldn't be. I mean it has been 5 months since I actually started liking this person. Anyways tomorrow will hopefully be a little better! I decided I can't ignore him nor do anything stupid anymore because then I won't have a friendship if I do.

Anyways I have to go now because I have a dentist appointment in 30 minutes. I'll ttyl!

current mood: nervous

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Monday, March 1st, 2004
3:09 pm - These are the Days of Our Lives
Well I would have to say yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I mean besides having to wait on my mother and do my health project it was great. Let me get something straight right now though I have no problem helping my mom out cus she had surgery, but every 2 secodns she told me to throw the garbage away, lol. Anyways I was wroking on my project at about 1:30ish and the phone rang and it was Catie. To tell you the truth I was speechless and like confused cus she was calling to ask what I was doing, but then she said that she was going to kidnap me so my mom let it happen and they kidnapped me.

First we went to Dunkin Donuts to get me a coffee and Catie and Chris some ice cream. I learned something that day, peanut butter must not always taste like real peanuts. Anyways then we went to Brook's so Sunny could run in. I realized that I forgot Jen's tape so we had to come back to my house. Then we picked up Blessing and went to drama. Catie decided to drive in the car parking lot, good driver but funny driver.

Drama started Jen White came and watched it all!!! My scene was horrible the first time and then descent the second time, but then I hit Chris in the back after I forgot he had a back ache so I felt terrible and like rushed off stage after my song ended, lol. Chris dude I am so sorry, lol.

Drama ended and we went to the Flynn's house to chill until 7:30 for Chelo's. We watched A Christmas Carol from this year because Jen didn't go due to the terrible outbreak of the flu. Anyways we watched about half of it and then went to Chelo's. We actually had to drop Catie and Jen off first cus we had to get Chris Anderson. I went with Sunny to get him and we had a great convo on the way there, lol.

We got to Chelo's and chilled and ate with Chris W, Chris A, Sean W, Jay L, Sunny, catie, Jen, and I. The conversation at the table seemed to grow more and more obnoxious thanks to me!! Man seriously I think gays are the horniest people in the world. Anyways Catie can't burp so I kept buroing at the table and she was cracking up, but I learned Jen doesn't like burping and told us it is all in her head and, "Some people don't like puss, I don't like burping." Okay that did sound alittle weird, lol. We all passed our pictures around the table from our wallets and then ate and talked and then we left.

We left inside of Chelo's but not the outside of Chelo's. We took major pictures. The pictures we took are hilarious!! "We" look so stupid that it is great. Anyways we called Jeremiah and like told him that we got into a car wreck and everyone was dead, but Sunny was the first to go. Sunny ruined it though because then she told him the truth and stuff, which obviously he already knew because everyone was like laughing and crap, lol. After a while, we were talking and Jen got mad and decided to walk home, lol. We got her like a mile down the road at Wendy's. We drove home and I made Jen lick her elbow, I mean all that fat coming down on her elbow will make it go up a lot, lol.

That was about it and then I got home and did my health project. I hop that we do this again one night cus this was like the best night of my life. It was so funa nd I was around people who are so cool and are actually funny, lol.

Oh and I had a dream and got syphilius!

current mood: amused

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Thursday, February 26th, 2004
8:48 pm - Back to School
Well Monday was back to school for us all and unfortunatley that was sad, except that I saw friends again. Monday went by pretty fast though. Had everything but period 3, health, which was nice cus health is sort of boring. Anyways Tuesday really didn't go by fast it felt like first period was forever which I didn't like at all. Wednesday I started to get sick and I have a cold plus sinus. My nose will not stop running and it absolutley sucks, lol. Anyways Wednesday was good and today was even better. Ms. Phillips came back to school from Japan and we all basically sat there and listened to her stories. It was great. She told us about the food and how it is all mostly raw fish and well let's just say that I hope they have something more than that, lol.

I had driver's training today and we took our permit test. I did so horrible. I never thought that I could get a score like this I mean don't you think a ....97 is a little low? Haha a 97 that is wicked good. I was so nervous when she was calling us up because if she didn't call us then we failed so I thought that I wasn't going to be called, but the studying with Catie this morning helped I guess. I was the third one called! I was excited!!

Anyways I am going to go cus I have to get ready for school tomorrow. I have school, Mel's movie project, play rehearsal, and Battle of the Bands. All while I am doing that my mother is getting surgery and my father will be in Vegas. Why is my father going to Vegas when my mother is in surgery.....well he is a genuine asshole that is why!

ANyways talk to you all later!

current mood: chipper

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Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
9:40 am - Mary's Surprise Party
Haha hey all...well yesterday was Mary's 16th Surprise Party at Rigatoni's. Everyone got there at 6 and she got there at 6:30. The party consisted of me, Brenden, Mel, Kathy and Jackie for the friends. Funny 5 people came and I swear I gave out 9 invitations and two other people said that they would come....hmmmm. Anyways we had appiteizers (didn't spell that one right) and then ordered entrees, all while Mary's mother was flashing pictures. I ordered what I get there time after time...the chicken parm grinder. Well we ate and three times Mel and Jackie sang to Mary with their puppets....Jackie had Lambchop and Mel had a smily face I think she said was named Horny Bob (Mel if i didn't do that right, please don't kill me). Finally the crew came out and sang happy birthday to Mary with the cake and we chowed down on cake. Then Mary's mom started to take random pictures to end the roll of film. It kept on snapping and snapping and we noticed it was on 36 now see regular camera rolls have 24 or 27...yea well I looked at the roll to see if it was over 27 exposures......i didn't notice a roll of film. I gave it to mel and she didn't notice one either....we open it and there is no film in it. HAHAA she was taking all these pictures with no film. Anyways she get s the film and tells me to put it in...I did ad when you put in film it is supposed to manally go to the first frame....well i didn't so I saw this button and I pushed it..it rewinded the whole film roll...that means no pictures were taken last night, lol. Anyways I gotta go...drama rehearsal today...YAY!!!!!!

current mood: amused

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Saturday, February 21st, 2004
12:41 pm - BlahBlahBlah
Hey yall. It's only 12:30 and I am writing this, but I don't know why I feel like crap right now! I'm listening to a mix of Catch 22, Mustard Plug, Dream Theater, Dispatch, and Jesus Christ Superstar and talking to certain people, but I just got down in the dumps for like no reason. Why can't I get used to the fact of lonliness like a lot of other people have. I've had great self-esteem since I left Jay's house because of Matt King, but all of a sudden I feel like I need loving. There are two people that I care about that much that I would consider, but they don't know I do. When I say loving I do not in any sense mean physical contact. I mean even if I was going out with someone in secret because they don't want to let everyone else know that we were a couple or anything that would be fine, but that doesn't happen. I think that love should between two people, no matter if it is a guy and girl or a guy and guy or even a girl and girl. Its just the fact that you are being loved by someone..even if it isn't the gender you except or are attracted to. Just because you like or have physical contact with another person of your same gender it doesn't mean you are queer. (Queer compares to both males and females, not just one specific gender). People know who I "adore" and so do I, but will anyone tell him or will I tell him in the near future hell no, maybe when he is a senior and getting ready to leave Pilgrim because we all know that when we leave high school we will not see eachother again, except maybe at the 10 or 20 year reunion. But I just feel like shit and need someone to "love" and someone to "love" me. To the person I "adore" I wish you knew who you were and would accept it without any fight. Anyways I gots to go and get ready for something I have to go to tonight at 6. I will see some people there and others who do not go...have a great night!

current mood: rejected

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Friday, February 20th, 2004
1:05 pm - My Beautiful Beautiful Hair
HAHAHA Guess what I did. I was bored so I took the hair dye in my mother's cabinet ad dyed my hair BLUE. It is a wild thing but you know what I always wanted a different color head. Either red, blue, or green and well my mom had blue in the cabinet....why you ask? She was supposed to dye my hair blue last summer for Jen's graduation party, but it didn't quite work. Anyways look at the picture...it is my hair right now!!! hehehe.
Talk to you later guys!!

current mood: creative

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Thursday, February 19th, 2004
8:13 pm - Jay's Party
Well hey all...right now I am at Colie's for her cousin's welcome home party. Why exactly am I here, I have not even a clue. Anyways I just finished watching the Station Fire Memorial on Cox 3 and saw Catie and Jennie singing. They did real well. Those are two of the most talented girls. Anywho let's get to the title of this entry.

Jay's party started yesterday at 11 and well of course me wanted to be "fashionably" late, actually we had a bat in the house so we had to get it out of the house. I seriously hate bats the scare the living hell out of me. Anyways I got to Jay's to be the last one to show up, except for Dylan who was gonna be there at 8ish. Anyways I basically just stood there and enjoyed their company. They are some funny people. We were all watching Family Guy and then decided to start off the "Marathon de Jesus" with watching Jesus Christ Superstar. We all handed in money for a pool. The person(s) to get the pool were the people who didn't sing or hum any of the songs from JCS when we were watching it. I was, I believe the 2nd person out (after Alex got like 5 different checks). Anyways the money went toward pizza. We ordered pizza and ate it and then just sat around and played videogames and then went outside to sled. I didn't go sledding because I am fat just like Matt King. We are the FAT HOMEBOYS, lol. Anyways then we came in and watched more crap and played more games. At about 7:50 we got hungry again and called Dylan to get s something to eat. Well do you think 50 cheeseburgers from Wendy's is enough, lol. Matt King ate most of them, lol. Matt King is like so awesome and hilarious, I learned a lot from him the past 18 hours, lol. Anyways we watched half of Godspell and then headed off to bed.
We split up into groups...4 went upstairs and 6 stayed downstairs. Downstairs was me, Matt, Kyle, Jeremiah, Sean, and Johnny. The two fat kids got the couches, haha Matt got the smaller couch though cus it just looked funnier. Anyways I didn't sleep at all, well maybe for about 2 hours cus of Matt King's snoring and Kyle's mummering and talking in his sleep. Well besides that someone had MAJOR gas. Like it stunk up the whole room. Everyone woke up at about 7:30ish, except Kyle, who at like 8ish seemed like he was having a seizure. Well this is what the convo during that sounded like:
Matt: Yo Kyle, dude!
Matt: Kyle, dude!
Jay: Grab his tounge
Matt: YO KYLE!!!
Matt: Yo ......
Haha Jeremiah hit him over the head with a pillow. He shot up and started like hyperventalating. Fun crap. ANyways it was a great day and great night. I am so glad that I decided to go instead of staying home. I just wish though I could be as close as they all are. They are a group of great guys! I bet I won't have one of those for a long time, lol. Unless we go to NY. I hope we do go to NY. ANYONE KNOW FOR SURE IF WE ARE GOING TO NEW YORK??
Anyays I am gonna head off cus well my dad is coming in an hour or so!! Talk to you all later!!

current mood: exhausted

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Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
9:26 pm - A Great Great Day!!!!!
Hey all......today was I would have to say a great day! It all started at 11:30 when we picked up Catie at her house to go out to lunch and bowling. Man did we have fun, well at least I think she had fun -lol-. Anyways first we went to our favorite Italian resturant in cranston and then we all went to Cranston Bowl for 5 games of bowling. Haha I would have to say it was pretty cool hanging out with Catie today. Anyways that girl is funny. We were bowling and I told her to go first and what does she say, "Nope ladies first, Nick". Haha that Catie is such a comidean. Anyways after bowling we took her home so she can take care of her mom because she is sick. I cam home and found out my mother is going to have her surgery the 27th of this month. Then I went to work for 2 hours. It wasn't all that bad, but we sort of took things from the office supply cabinet, shouldn't ahve done that but my partner in crime wanted too, lol. Anyways all the way on our way home from Cumberland we saw about 20 different cops. Let's say we were feeling alittle guilty, lol. Anyways tomorrow I am supposed to go over jay's for the jesus marathon and then i don't know after that. Well I am gonna head off to do something around this house. Anyways I'll talk to you all laters!! Bye bye bye!

current mood: bouncy

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Sunday, February 15th, 2004
6:41 pm
Last night was a rough night, I went to bed at 10:00 only to sit there crying and thinking. Thinking about people and things, but it wasn't any person or thing. The people and things I thought about were people and things that meant a lot to me and I care about deeply. I don't know why I really thought about it I think a specific event that took place Friday was the source, but I don't know. As I sat there I thought about many people, but then I thought about two specific people who I decided I can't live without. I am not going to go into detail with who they are or what genders they are, but I mean it really isn't your buisness because they might get offended, but if you want to know who they are you can ask me and if I can trust you I'll tell you. Then I fell asleep and woke up this morning still thinking about these people and things. I was sort of still upset about the whole thing, but I think I may be over it now!! I am so happy about it.

Anyways today I basically sat on the computer and chatted with people and played games. I confirmed me and Catie's plans for Tuesday and figured out that I have four of my vacation days blocked, lol. My schedule goes as:
Monday- Nothing
Tuesday- Hanging out with Catie
Wedensday- Nothing
Thursday- Nothing
Friday- Nicole is supposed to come over
Saturday- Going out to some people know .
Sunday- Drama Rehearsal

This is the busiest vacation I have ever had, lol. I am doing stuff on the days that say nothing but I mean they are the things that I am doing the other days too like come online and exercise. I have been exercising a lot lately and have lost 15 pounds in the last month and lost 3% body fat. I am so proud of myself, lol. Anyways if you want to hang out any of the days I have nothing next to let me know and I'll add you, lol. Also I am avaliable after 5:00 on Tuesday cus Catie has to work, unless I go to the creamary and have some desert.

Okay, well I am going to go now. Have a great night and a great vaca! Talk to you all later!

current mood: cheerful

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Saturday, February 14th, 2004
8:40 pm - Valentine's Day and Stuff
Well today brought around Valentine's Day, as most of you know. I spent it cleaning mostly so my mind isn't focused on Valentine's Day and make it seem like any ordinary day. I am not ashamed though to say that I cried this morning for a little because I again don't have anyone to call my own or to cuddle with. Why do we even have Valentine's Day? I mean we are supposed to show our love on this day for the person we love, but if I had someone of my own I would treat them like a prince or princess everyday we were together, unless told otherwise. I know that is my opinon and people have their own, but you should always love and care for your "companion".

Yesterday was rehearsal from 4 to 5:45. It was supposed to be until 7. but Miss Jen didn't want to stay that long and had like nothing else to go over with us. Before rehearsal though Nicole and I went to Floral Memories on Post Rd to get some carnations to pass out to selected people from play. I got pink, white, and red ones and a teddy bear for Catie. Catie was the most I got for because I love her to death and she is one of my bestest friends. Haha anyways we went back to Nicole's house and we hand glittered every rose with silver glitter. We went to rehearsal and passed them out and everyone gave us hugs and said thank you and blahblahblah. I bought a carnation for someone who I myself didn't want to give it too because it would have been the first boy I gave anything to like that so I gave it to Nicole to give it to him and she did. He asked if it was from me and I said nope and walked away cus I didn't want him to think anything of it, cus all it was is a gift for his friendship cus he of course is a big straight kid. I hate those kids, lol j/p. Anyways after rehearsal I went to Rigatoni's with some cool kids.

Rigatoni's was one of the best nights of my life, lol. We sat there and just talked and talked and ate and laughed and it was great. The people I went with was Rachel, Kayla, Erika, Brenden, and Sam. I was Rachel's Valentine, Brenden was Sam's Valentine, and then Erika and Kayla has boyfriends so they already had theirs, lol. After Rigatoni's we just walked and decided to go to the creamary. We got a gallon of mint chocolate chip and headed for Kaylaroo's. Everyone was infront of me cus I walk really slow. As we were walking though a car started to beep and then people yelled at us...lol it was Catie and Arielle, the two cuties. After we left Catie and Arielle a group of kids started to walk infornt of our group and Erika yelled, "Oh look it's ganstas" or something of that sort and so we didn't like that so I threw a piece of bread at her and hit her in the head and she looked at me and was like, "Ouch that hurt" I laughed. We got to Kayla's house and started talking about the day Jesse left last May and the airport and who cried and who didn't and like we were making fun of Kayla and then just got stupid cus I think we were all drunk on soda, ice cream, and food. Then I went home.

My dad is such an asshole and I figured it out today. He didn't get my mother a gift last August for their anniversay nor a gift for her birthday and again nothing for Valentine's day....grrr that licks me the wrong way. My mom got my father an $100 colgne set and what did she get a stupid card.

ANyways that is it for now. Hopefully I will see some of you in the near future. I love you all (well most of you). See you'll later!!

I love Jesse A LOT!!

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
8:54 pm - I Got My Costume!
Today was a great day. When I was going to school and walking down my driveway I fell and couldn't get up so I decided to put my legs in the air and just slide the rest of the way down. School was great...I had 2 substitutes and it was great. My biology teacher was out and my history teacher was with the mock trial. Anyways biology went well, we were assigned the chapter review which of course I didn't do. English was next and that was good. We just basically sat there and talked about Of Mice and Men, the book that we read. It is about two traveling companions, Lenny and George, who have to leave Weed because of an accident. Lennie is a strong, large man who has the mind of a 6 year old and loves to touch soft things while George is a small man who is the brains of the group. After they move to another farm trouble starts with Lennie. Anyways after english was spanish..lord I have decided that I absolutley hate that class. I mean I love the people in it, but the teacher is absolutley horrible and a total asshole. During spanish I went and found Niho. She gave me a picture of her and Allen from junior prom. It is such a great picture. After spanish was chorus, the best class of course. We sung Gloria, it is a good song but I really don't like it. I like the other song we are singing This Little Light of Mine. After chorus I went to U.S. history. We had a substitute so it was a really good class. We did a word list and then we just sat there and talked. After history was health. That was fun..I got asked to be quiet though. I thought that was messed up, lol. Well taht was school.

I got home and well I went online and blah blah blah. I had fajitas for dinner, which I will never have again because they got me sick. They sucked. Anyways my mother took me to go get a suit for my costume. It is such a great suit. I can't wait to show Mrs. B hopefully she will like it. My mother is adding things to it though to make it look great and royalish.

Anyways that is all I am going to go now. I'll talk to you all later!!

current mood: giddy

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Monday, February 2nd, 2004
2:57 pm - Day After Superbowl XXXVIII Madness
Well the Pats did it. They won another Superbowl in a matter of 3 years. I have to say some of the game had me on my toes cus it was getting really really exciting. By the way damn Tom Brady is hotttt and I mean realy wicked hott. ANyways I feel like I just shit all over my friendship with Niho for actually having alittle feeling for Allen. I knew she wouldn't have read my journal last night so I printed it up and gave it to her after spanish class. I just sort of handed it to her and then screwed. I felt bad about it so I wrote her a note in geometry and then rushed to gym because she had it next. The bell rang so I had to go to health and so I gave it to Cracker. After health I went to find her and Cracker said she wasn't here, that means that she went home. Damn I felt guilty. I know that she was sick but like I just feel guilty for having a crush of sorts on him. It was all a joke last night but like I don't know.......it actually did something. I mean I haven't did anything in a year and 5 months and I am extremely needy so I guess every funny, cute, nice eyed kid I come to I develop something for, well not all of them a selected few, lol. Anyways I have to say that today was one of the best spanish classes I have ever had. I don't know why but it was wicked fun. We just sat here and talked about stuff. The rest of the day went well, nothing really happened. My father came home yesterday from Atlanta. My mother and I already wish he went back, he is driving us crazy. I have been home for only about 30 minutes and 26 of them is him just yelling either at me or my mother on the phone. He goes to Las Vegas at the end of this month so that means 4 more days of silence and peace. I can't wiat for the computer to go in my room because then that means that I will never have to see my parents again, well only when I go to get something to eat or drink. Anyways I have to go and do some homework, I'll talk to you all later!!!!

current mood: cheerful

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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
9:48 pm - SUPER BOWL ALLEN???
Well today was drama rehearsal at 3:00 and then Superbowl XXXVIII party at Colie's house. Drama went well I didn't really get bitched at today like yesterday cus she liked what I did. I dance to the crowd and like toy around with them, it is so fun. Anyways after rehearsal we (Niho, Amie, and Jess) took Poore home and then went back to Colie's where no one was there yet. We sat down and just chatted and then Allen came (Colie's ex boyfriend who she might go back out with). Let me just tell you something, before I met him I didn't approve of him because things that Colie said but you know I totally approve, maybe more than I should. Every time the Pats would make a touchdown he would kiss Colie and Colie would tell him that he had to kiss me, so he kissed me on my cheek cus I was blushing so much. I would have kissed him but yea that would be bad cus I think that he is one of those guys who like talks it but does walk it. If I did actually kiss him he would hunt me down and kill me, lol. Anyways he is Colie's man, lol. He is so hott and funny though. I love that, lol. These are some really bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad thoughts. I have to erase him from my mind. I just wish I went home when I had the chance, lol.

current mood: confused

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Friday, January 30th, 2004
2:56 pm - VENTING!!
You know I have to get something off my chest, I am a social outcast and a loser. I seperate myself from everyone and therefore sit here and bitch about how all I do is stay at my computer and dibble about how this sucks and that sucks. As I dibble and dobble and talk to other friends I get well um....coughjealouscough. It seems like the only time I really hang out with people are when Jesse comes back from Georgia and/or when I go out after drama with Niho. In health we are learning about self-esteem and I most definatly do not have them. I am still on the level of "love", which I don't have and don't think I will have. See people say I am cute and I am adorable but that is BULLSHIT!! I am none of those things and if I am I am just to cute or adorable to be a boyfriend and I am only friend type. My first and last relationship was in junior high school and I loved it. The attention the caring I recieved from the person and the care I gave back to him. Even though it was secretive thing that meant the world to me and because I don't have that anymore and haven't had it in a long time I am feeling very uncomfortable and finding that I am looking a my straight friends for comfort, not the females but the males. If any of them found out about what I was thinking of they would destroy me, lol. I have no doubt about it. Like right now there are really only 2. They will remain nameless until they find out or get a clue (which is never cus I am so good at hiding my crushs). Anyways tonight I have dance rehearsal and I just have this awkward feeling that something depressing is going to happen outside of movies, like someone breaking up or someone asking someone out. Lord, this is a sucky feeling cus it feels like it is a situation that is going to ruin me forever, even though it doesn't exactly have anything to do with me. Anyways I am gonna go and do something positive.

current mood: cranky

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Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
4:06 pm - Happy??

Have you ever been happy, but really not happy? It sounds confusing but that is how I am right now. I am happy with everything and everyone except some inner feelings that I have. The past 2 weeks have been full of nights of weird dreams and I mean weird. Some of you know what I'm talking about, but most of you don't. I know that I am lonely in the spot of relationship status, but I didn't think that lonely that I need to think these things. Feelings for certain people have arised and it is frightening because I don't know how I should deal with these feelings especially when I see some of them like almost everyday. Maybe it is because I have been craving something lately (only person who knows what I am talking about is Melynda).

Anywho I have got my grades for 3 of m y classes and 2 of them are E's and 1 is a D (even though the D is supposed to be an E my teacher wanted to be nice so he gave me a D instead). I don't even think I did that well in chorale because I missed the TollGate performance and 3 after school rehearsals. That is horrible. Lately I have just found it really hard to concentrate in school. I have had a 6 week headache that will not go away with my medication they gave me, which prvents from from sleeping at night sometimes. In some of my classes too I can't grasp the concept we are talking about and the concept of whop the teacher is teaching.

Tuesday was weird. I am going off the subject but Mary goes through a lot of mood swings I think, lol. She went from yelling at me and like bitching me out and making me feel small in Biology and chorale to saying I am here reason for living or something of that kind. Tuesday was driver's training to. That class is boring and I still can't get the fun out of that class. I sit there in silence most of the time except the times I look back at Mary. I got an 80 on my latest quiz on signs. I am glad about that.

I have a dance partner!! Her name is "Don't Wanna Be All By Myself" actually her name is Megan. All of you mostly know her. She is so cool, well except I need to show her how to dance, lol. I drew her a picture today of us dancing it was hilarious!! Anyways I have nothing else to really write about so I am out.


current mood: okay

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